


Drown

by poppunkpadfoot (StormVandal)



Series: Breathe-verse [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Breathe-verse, Community: HPFT, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-27
Updated: 2016-05-27
Packaged: 2018-07-10 13:20:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6986719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormVandal/pseuds/poppunkpadfoot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Regulus Black reflects on a moment he wishes he could change.</p><p>
  <i>Breathe-verse.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drown

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everybody! This is a one-shot about Regulus' actions in Chapter 5 of my story Breathe, which you can find [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4269423). This probably won't make too much sense if you haven't read that :P 
> 
> Hope you enjoy! Comments and kudos are great!

You can’t get your brother’s face out of your head.  
  
It’s been years since you last saw him properly, even longer since you’ve talked. You haven’t seen him since he left school, now that you think about it, not even once. He hadn’t even attended your father’s funeral, not that you’d really been expecting him to show up there; you shudder to think what your mother would have done if he had.  
  
What was the last thing he’d even said to you? You have to strain to remember. It’s so strange to think about; you certainly hadn’t considered, during that last conversation, that it would be the last time you’d ever talk to your brother, hadn’t stopped to think that the next words out of your mouth would be the last he’d ever hear you say.  
  
  
_"Some of them are okay, Sirius, really.”_  
  
_“Why do you even care if I have fun at the stupid party anyway?”_  
  
_“I… I just…”_  
  
  
You just what? How was that sentence going to end? Do you even remember?  
  
  
_I just want you to make life easier for yourself. I just want everyone to stop fighting. I just want you to know that I care about you. I miss my brother, Sirius._

  
Well, even if you’d said all that before he’d walked away, you went right ahead and bunged that one up, didn’t you?  
  
  
_”Where did Sirius get off to tonight? Hopefully we won’t be hearing from the Malfoys about any property damage.” Your mother’s voice is calm enough, but the coolness of her tone keeps you wary. You keep your eyes on your shoes, your mind racing with images of Sirius and that… that man. You pray you’ll be excused to bed before your parents ask you any questions._  
  
_No such luck. Your mother turns her head and looks at you, her face neutral but her eyes sharp. “Regulus?” she says. “Do you have any idea what Sirius got up to tonight?”_  
  
_You can’t look her in the eye. You know that she’ll notice this, that it will make her suspicious, but you just can’t do it. You swallow, hard, and try to figure out what to do._  
  
_What your brother had been doing was wrong. It wasn’t natural. But your mother isn’t going to help him if you tell her. You know what she’ll do, and you don’t even want to think about it. But can you lie to her? What will she do if she realizes you’re not telling her the truth?_  
  
_“N-no.” You flinch slightly as soon as the word is out of your mouth; it’s such an obvious fib, and there’s no way it’s gone unnoticed._  
  
_“Regulus.” Your father’s voice is heavy with disappointment, and your stomach twists painfully. For a brief, wild moment, you consider fleeing and locking yourself in your bedroom; but that wouldn’t help you or Sirius in the end, and you stay put._  
  
_Your mother walks over to you and takes your chin in her hand, tilting your head up so you’re forced to look her in the eye. “Sweetheart,” she says, the sweet tone of her voice not masking the lingering chill. “Tell me what you saw. You know I hate it when you make me use spells on you.”_  
  
_You feel like a rock has just dropped into the pit of your stomach. It’s over. She’s going to find out one way or the other._  
  
_Maybe, if you just tell her now, you can soften the blow; maybe nothing worse than an argument will happen if you can calm her down first._  
  
_You take a deep breath and hope to Merlin that Sirius will forgive you._  
  
_“He - he was with this boy.”_  
  
_Your mother’s expression changes almost imperceptibly, but it’s enough to make panic start mounting inside you. “I don’t know who he was,” you continue, answering her unasked question. “He - they - it wasn’t Sirius’ fault, mother,” you burst out. “They were talking and he - he must have said something, confused Sirius somehow-"_  
  
  
You’d known instantly that you’d made a mistake. You still remember the way her fingers had tightened on your chin, the way her eyes had flashed.  
  
  
_”What did you see?”_  
  
  
She’d practically spat the question at you. You know that it wouldn’t have made a difference, but you still wish so desperately that you hadn’t answered.  
  
  
_"They - they kissed.”_  
  
_Before you can get any more words out, say something placating and calm her down the way you’d been planning to, she’s released you and stormed out of the room into the hallway. Without thinking, you’re chasing after her, not considering that you’re going to get yourself into even more trouble._  
  
_“Mum, please-“_  
  
_“Be quiet, Regulus.” The rage in her voice sends fear racing through your body, numbing your extremities and closing your throat up. You instantly fall silent._  
  
_It’s at that moment that you hear footsteps thundering down the stairs, and within seconds, Sirius is standing above you on the landing. The look of terror on your brother’s face - your brave, stubborn, prideful, stupid big brother - is a million times worse than your mother’s icy tones. You can’t look at him. You fix your eyes on the floorboards instead._  
  
  
You should have done something. You should have screamed for him to run, to go back upstairs and find a different way to get out. You should have grabbed your mother’s wand, or thrown yourself in front of it. Instead, you stood there like a coward and let her hurt him.  
  
You’d left the room when you couldn’t take the screaming anymore, and you’d barely made it to the bathroom before you vomited your guts up. When you’d returned downstairs, the house was silent, the tapestry was smouldering, and Sirius was gone.  
  
And you’d never talked to him again. You’d seen him around school, of course; you’d watched from a distance as he’d changed. Started smiling more. And you’d wanted to talk to him. You wanted to know what was going on with him, and where he was living, and if he was safe. You wanted to ask about the skirts and the lipstick and the Lupin boy. You wanted to know if he was happy.  
  
But you never asked any of your questions. It was partially because, on the first day of school that September, James Potter had cornered you and told you that if you so much as looked at Sirius the wrong way after what you’d done over the summer, you’d have to answer to him. But, if you’re being honest with yourself, you wouldn’t have spoken to him anyway. You were too ashamed. You were a coward.  
  
You’re not a coward anymore.  
  
The water that’s swirling around you is cold and dark. The hands that dragged you under are still gripping your arms tightly, and you know that struggling would be futile - you’re too weak to make it back to the surface.  
  
  
_"Goodnight, Sirius.”_  
  
_Your brother is standing in your doorway, a smile on his young face. He’s holding his Hogwarts letter in his right hand; he hadn’t put it down since he got it that morning._  
  
_“Night, Reg,” he says, as easily as always. “Love you.”_  
  
_You smile sleepily back at him. “Love you too.”_  
  
  
Your brother’s smiling face still in your mind, and a smile ghosting across your own face, you let your eyes slip shut.  
  
-end-


End file.
